I have written a new blog about trauma bonds: its roots, why it affects some of us and not others, how it takes hold and implements within our nervous system, and how to free ourselves from it.
Please click here to read it!
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“I’ve experienced trauma bonding several times already—mainly in the context of romantic relationships.
Of course, initially, I didn’t know that I was “trauma bonded.” I would have never imagined that trauma and love, or an idea of love, could be found in the same place.
Here in this article, I will refer to trauma bonding in the context of romantic relationships.
Trauma bonding takes hold easily when we have experienced these types of unhealthy attachments during our childhood. In fact, our nervous system is wired in such receptive ways precisely because we’ve been been there before. A child who has experienced abuse from a parent may, as an adult, have difficulties distinguishing, at the level of the nervous system, abuse with love.
If you were abused as a child, you had to internalize and bury your feelings of sadness, anger, unfairness, or hurt in order to be able to stay in that same environment and be still taken care of.
Your life depended on your parents and you weren’t self-reliant enough to break the bond—so you may have learned how to cope with your feelings by seeing them with rose-tainted glasses and not fully see the truth.
In some way, the child had to minimize or even deny the abuse that was happening in order to get the love, care, and attention that they needed from their caretakers.
Later in life, the individual may still expect love and attention from someone who is simultaneously abusive to them, because they were trained to—and because as a child, eventually getting the love that they needed from their parents was the reward they were seeking after enduring more grueling cycles of distrust and fear.
To the adult brain that experienced abuse in childhood, red flags may feel like home.
Please click here to go to the full post.