It is interesting to go a bit further than the “Push & pull” dynamics which are normally described and find out its different forms and reasons. How do the “Push & Pull” happen, and why?
This article doesn’t describe the “silence” phases per say where “nothing” happens — but rather adresses the two main “on and off” scenarios that are common in Twin Souls relationships.
- When one varies and adjusts to make sure that the other remains “within control” and within the boundaries of the relationship.
It may happen that one of the partner doesn’t want to explore the connection and seems to behave as the “Runner”. In those cases Twin Flames may be irresponsive, ackward, distant or cold and their behaviour is often times described as unexplicably changing or in waves.
However that cold side of the partnership still feels for their counterpart, hence a need of control.
They actually can’t show their feelings and behave as if they were “in love”, because it feels too risky to them. They may as a consequence reject the connection at that time and for reasons that may vary — involved with someone else, fear of being hurt, abandoned, rejected or not good enough, feeling that love always brings drama and takes away one’s freedom, fear of sexual intimacy, and so on.
They reject the connection as it is — based on a rejection of the pressure it brings, pressure of getting involved with someone or of losing oneself in love.
But they don’t want to lose their partner anyways… That’s why they may “come back” or pretend to by re-entering the relationship even briefly — in order to make sure that the bond isn’t forever lost.
That Push & pull could be called – The Control one. The person can’t go further but they can’t lose it all — they are actually terrified of moving either way. But as soon as they will feel their counterpart’s energy leave, they’ll try to find it again — even if this is to instantly let it go.
In truth, in that first scenario, the “Runner” simply wants to feel or hear the love of their partner again and find comfort there, but they may not engage their Twin further after “checking on it”.
That first kind of Push & Pull often times happens in the first stages of the relationship, with a “Runner” showing “narcissist traits” OR when the “Chaser” is truly attached. Their attachment is what draws them toward the nets of the Runner… and the Chaser may run to the Runner (!) anytime the later makes a move toward the relationship.
In other words, that dynamics can’t be if the Chaser has learned their own worth and boundaries. In that case, they will start to drift away as well when they feel this kind of controling energy on them, and the Runner has to change ways and strategy — consciously or not.
Actually, that first dynamics shows a lack of “completeness” in both — both needing to be filled by the other, yet in different ways.
- When both meet and go “on and off” before the energy feels right for both.”
The other kind of Push & Pull scenario is of a different kind, as it isn’t a “you are moving out out of boredom, so I need to catch you before you leave fully” — but more a “let’s meet again and see where we both stand”.
In that dynamics, both counterparts are actually looking for balance and seeking at a soul level the moment / energy when both are there for Love, rather than Attachment, Neediness, Lust of for Making Sure.
They may come back to one another over and over until they both feel that there are no more “cords” – in a negative way – between them, but only a healthy thread of love between their hearts.
They explore to feel things out but, as they’ve both grown in completeness the flames lessen. The Chaser is less dependent and expecting — while the Runner shows more stability and grounding, and won’t move out before reattaching out of fear.
There, Twin Souls are exploring the other and the connection from a place of personal conscious Knowing (I want to explore that connection on a “committed” basis) and Fullness (My life isn’t “that” so I won’t “fall”).
- An evolution?
That second type of “Push & Pull” is actually more conscious, while the first one is received passively by both counterparts — even the one who tries to reattach and to “control”. In fact, this is their only way to stay there and maintain the relationship, but beyond what’s visible they’d actually like to be able to bring something else or to gain more clarity about their own heart.
The releasing of the “control part” allows to move to that second type of dynamics between both Twin Souls. When the energy of control is released — which actually was a “Stay there even if I give you something that you don’t like” — a real letting go takes place, and for both.
The Runner / in control has to face that if they don’t give anything and exhausts their counterpart by exercising too much nothingness, their partner won’t “stay”. At the same time the Chaser / the one who was ready to accept now sees that it is healthier to let go rather than remaining involved in dynamics which deny their own truth, power and worth.
They let go of a potential outside success or benefit… in order to grow in self-love and self-respect.
As one grows in “Respect of the Other” while the other grows in “Respect of the Self” — a new level of balance within both is reached, which mirrors out in the relationship.
The Runner releases the ideal of a relationship being a “game of love with no commitment” and sees that by being conscious, we may desire to explore or not to explore — but not both.
They understand that before going too far Outwardly, one needs to learn clarity Within.
The Chaser learns to stand alone, to feel safe and loved on their own two feet — therefore seeing that they may only let in a more balanced and “decided” version of their partner. They learn to draw new boundaries and to accept only what feels right,
They learn that we shouldn’t compromise in love, even in the name of a possible magical feast.
That second type of Push & Pull is interesting and beautiful because it respects both individuals. Actually, it is about exploring the relationship from a place of individual balance, until it clicks and feels right — it is exploring as an investigator or a traveler, without “the need to have it” or an unhealthy desire to keep.
It is exploring from a place of honour, worth, dignity and self-equilibrium… and from a space of true ability, or shall I say desire, willingness, almost digged up from the loss — to fall in love.
As BALANCE is worked out and achieved between the PAIR — Balance is reached WITHIN both INDIVIDUALS.
As Balanced Harmonics between the Inner Masculine and Inner Feminine is worked on at personal levels for EACH counterpart, or even for ONLY ONE of them as everything is INTERTWINED — Balance is increasing between the pair, which allows, in time, to resume the relationship for a new round and each time from a more balanced and happy place.
Two healthier and more balanced individuals are progressively being shaped in time, thanks to their own inner work and to the interactions which are at play within the relationship.
More below – A shared pool of personal power.
YOUR ABILITY TO PROCESS YOUR FEELINGS WITHIN YOU AND TO REMAIN ENERGETICALLY STABLE NO MATTER WHAT…
Why is “attachment” to the outcome and to how things should unfold, an issue in Twin Flame relationships?
Because when we are attached, our energetic level varies exactly as the situation we’re having expectations and attachments about plays out.
When we are too attached, if things go “wrong” or life shows up in a way we didn’t expect, our energy becomes low — and as Twin Souls relationships exactly unfold as a mirror of the energetic state they’re having, ‘me=low’ implies ‘us=low’.
That is why being able to reach Neutrality about how the situation goes and unfolds in the physical is of significant importance.
“Neutrality” is possible when one knows how to process their feelings within themselves – through journaling, meditation, nature, music, tears, cries or whatever ways and tools they may know about – and therefore come back to a state of high energy when life takes them to a shadow place within.
“Neutrality” can be attained when, instead of needing a month to recover from this or that hurtful event, a heart needs an hour or a day now — because it has learned the alchemist process of the darkness into the light. It has understood that the key is actually to allow their emotions, even if deep, raw and intense as they come and the energies to move through them until they’re released, rather than trying to silence the waves by blocking the feels.
« Neutrality” in a relationship doesn’t mean the absence of love — but simply the ability to stay “high” and joyful even if the Twin Flame relationship in the physical doesn’t play as we hoped and expected, and this ability to stay high no matter what is important and good because the relationship precisely unfolds as a mirror of the energetic state of both individuals.
If both can stay “high” in spite of the flames, the flames lessen.
What allows to stay in joy when the relationship gets too intense? I’ve seen from experience that it isn’t that much about having a good position, a lot of dollars or many people around, no. Those are not things bright enough to keep our hearts open, peaceful, serene, receptive and solid when the flames become too tall.
No, it is the connection to the Divine, and to our inner Sacred Self which allows to be ok, stable, trusting no matter what shadow part of our hearts the connection may mirror back at us.
It is by remembering who we are — a unique part of the web of everything, a little Divine spark there on purpose, a child of God gently coming back home, a star on the path to wholeness, a manifestor, a co-creator of their experiences able to influence and change the course of things by allowing and processing their emotions,
A man or a woman who knows that if they’re able to embrace, witness, hold space for, take care of, process, heal, transmute, whichever darkness the outside may bring
It is by remembering that life is and will be fine, always and eventually, because the Sun always comes back after an Alchemist night; it is by remembering, over and over, that this path of the Twin’s Individuation is only a game of healing, layer after a layer — that Twin Souls are able to be together in the physical and land their ethereal Divine bond on Earth.
See, when one knows about the Alchemist way, the Coming Closer of the Pair becomes ok, let’s see, safe, natural, flowing, unavoidable, happening.
Don’t block the feels, drop into your heart and allow yourself to feel.
If we can allow ourselves to feel, sit in our emotions even the uncomfortable ones, we actually transmute the energy and allow the healing.
It is normal to block the feels when what’s at stake is very important, matters so much to the heart.
Sometimes the more something matters, the less we feel able to face it and dive into the places within it takes us to.
The runner doesn’t run — they’re terrified to feel and to drop into their hearts.
If we block the feelings and choose the Masculine warrior mode of “I will survive”, “I don’t care” and deny it all – the hope, the love, the anger, the pain, the rest of resentment and etc., we actually feel better right now but block, postpone the healing of the soul.
That is the “right” direction, and if we can do that we reach, layer after layer… a place which is closer, so much closer to the core of both of our hearts and to the purity of the connection.