“I have thought of you a lot, today.

So often, I have missed you.

It’s inexplicably hard what happened. You were toxic, but I fell in love with you.

Some said you were a sinner, a manipulative golden man, a narcissist. But I didn’t trust their judgment.

I trusted the memory, the ghost of you, who you were in our beginnings. I trusted the memory of when you were at your highest, your kindest, your most loving.

So often, I have wondered if this version of you was real. I sometimes feel that after that beginning, I never saw “you” again.

I remember that I fell in love with the way that you looked at me. Your promises, too.

You see, I didn’t know exactly what love was in those innocent times. I wanted passion, I wanted to be impressed. I wanted someone that was magnetic.

Love, I thought, was fire and sparks. But I know now that love is also presence, staying, understanding one another—feeling safe and protected.

I know now that I misunderstood the idea of love; that’s why I found you.

I thought that our love would be crazy, because you were one in a million—so special and free. But the way you disappeared was one in a million, too.

As time passed, you refused to talk—even a word—about us. You decided to go without any proper farewell.

You chose to erase me.

…”

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Much love,

Sophie