“I have thought of you a lot, today.
So often, I have missed you.
It’s inexplicably hard what happened. You were toxic, but I fell in love with you.
Some said you were a sinner, a manipulative golden man, a narcissist. But I didn’t trust their judgment.
I trusted the memory, the ghost of you, who you were in our beginnings. I trusted the memory of when you were at your highest, your kindest, your most loving.
So often, I have wondered if this version of you was real. I sometimes feel that after that beginning, I never saw “you” again.
I remember that I fell in love with the way that you looked at me. Your promises, too.
You see, I didn’t know exactly what love was in those innocent times. I wanted passion, I wanted to be impressed. I wanted someone that was magnetic.
Love, I thought, was fire and sparks. But I know now that love is also presence, staying, understanding one another—feeling safe and protected.
I know now that I misunderstood the idea of love; that’s why I found you.
I thought that our love would be crazy, because you were one in a million—so special and free. But the way you disappeared was one in a million, too.
As time passed, you refused to talk—even a word—about us. You decided to go without any proper farewell.
You chose to erase me.
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