You have always said you were ready for that love, dear soul. In truth, you have always felt this.
And you were, of course. You were ready for the light, for the joy, for the chemistry. You were ready for the firework, for a shared folly, for a life of beauty and sparkles for two – you were ready for the Divine Union’s balls.
Always, you were ready. And you thought and you said that you were – that you were ready for it.
But then, whenever it wasn’t happening right, or as you thought – you were starting to think of something else. You were starting to fear. You were starting to seek something else to do, something else to feel. You were starting to wonder, if this dream of balls for two had even been reciprocated, if that love was actually real !
Whenever it wasn’t there, in your reality, present – here and right now and for you – you started to doubt it.
You thought you were ready but, whenever This was bringing you to the core of yourself, to your dramas, to your aches, to your neediness, to your voids – you were slowly drifting away, slowly reopening questions that you thought were done and close – in some way, you were slowly leaving.
You thought you were ready, but whenever you were not filled by its laughter, its sparkles, the generosity, the light of that love, its magic – you were starting to wither, to fade away, to lose trust.
You thought you were ready but, whenever he disappointed you, whenever he did the wrong thing, whenever he wasn’t the man than you thought, whenever you saw too much of his dark face – you went elsewhere in your thoughts, you stopped having faith, you stopped believing.
You thought you were ready but in truth, you had to become Full First.
You had to become Full first, so you can remain when it aches.
You had to become full first, so you can stand the heath, the flames, the questions marks, the wind, the lack of stability, the lack of consistency of this external, divine magic.
You had to become full first so, you don’t move and push and pull and wave and shift – because of it, through it, or for it.
You had to become full first, and stable within you, and anchored, and tall and strong – so your stability, your tallness, your strength, your power, your wholeness, your ground – doesn’t depend on it.
You had to become full first so, when you get lost, when you get sad, when life is too hard, when you miss a shelter, when you desire a man’s arms, when you feel cold, when Winter is coming, when you don’t remember why the hell you are here, when you can’t hold the wideness and the depth of your heart any longer on your own – you didn’t have to go, and seek, and chase, elsewhere — elsewhere than, Within YourSelf.
You had to become full first, so you don’t doubt, you don’t change your mind – as soon as what you see on the outside gets silent or dark.
You had to become full first, so this knowing almost doesn’t depend anymore on what you see.
You had to become full first, so this Love becomes an evidence, a Knowing – and not a way of being filled, from the external. So that it becomes a Fact, a Truth – not an Elixir.
You had to become full first, so you remain even when you are not filled and fed and nurtured by him.
You had to become full first, so you see the difference between Love and Need.
You were always ready for this love.
You have been ready since the first glance, of course you were, caught by it as by a spell – one instant.
But to become Ready for it, I mean ready for its anchoring – you had to become Full, see.
Because when we are not full, we identify our pain with the vessel our pain found us, reached us through. We confuse our pain, with the person that conveyed it. We mislead the parts of ourselves that we don’t know how to love yet – with the one that showed us those parts, with whom revealed the lack, the void, the anger, the sadness, our incapacity to be Full.
You had to become full first so, you don’t identify anymore – Someone Else with the Way They Make You Feel, with the negative feelings that such a deep bond may resurrect, may give birth to within.
You had to learn to not identify the way you feel, with a person, with another being. To not identify the way a difficult feeling to bear finds you – with the person, the soul, that carries it, that brought it to you – with the gift wrapping.
You had to become Whole in your knowing, entire in your certainty. Convinced of yourself, convinced of your ability to be whole, full and free, masculine and feminine, soft and healed and tall and in your power – you had to do all this. So your Love becomes arrived, still, so it becomes stable and soft, gentle, ever-present, relieved.
You were always ready for this love. Always. It was the matter of an instant.
But to become ready for it, for its Life – for The Life Of This Love – you had to become Full, first, dear.