It is interesting to go a bit further than the “Push & pull” dynamics which are normally described and find out its different forms and reasons. How do the “Push & Pull” happen, and why?
This article doesn’t describe the “silence” phases per say where “nothing” happens — but rather adresses the two main “on and off” scenarios that are common in Twin Souls relationships.
- When one varies and adjusts to make sure that the other remains “within control” and within the boundaries of the relationship.
It may happen that one of the partner doesn’t want to explore the connection and seems to behave as the “Runner”. In those cases Twin Flames may be irresponsive, ackward, distant or cold and their behaviour is often times described as unexplicably changing or in waves.
However that cold side of the partnership still feels for their counterpart, hence a need of control.
They actually can’t show their feelings and behave as if they were “in love”, because it feels too risky to them. They may as a consequence reject the connection at that time and for reasons that may vary — involved with someone else, fear of being hurt, abandoned, rejected or not good enough, feeling that love always brings drama and takes away one’s freedom, fear of sexual intimacy, and so on.
They reject the connection as it is — based on a rejection of the pressure it brings, pressure of getting involved with someone or of losing oneself in love.
But they don’t want to lose their partner anyways… That’s why they may “come back” or pretend to by re-entering the relationship even briefly — in order to make sure that the bond isn’t forever lost.
That Push & pull could be called – The Control one. The person can’t go further but they can’t lose it all — they are actually terrified of moving either way. But as soon as they will feel their counterpart’s energy leave, they’ll try to find it again — even if this is to instantly let it go.
In truth, in that first scenario, the “Runner” simply wants to feel or hear the love of their partner again and find comfort there, but they may not engage their Twin further after “checking on it”.
That first kind of Push & Pull often times happens in the first stages of the relationship, with a “Runner” showing “narcissist traits” OR when the “Chaser” is truly attached. Their attachment is what draws them toward the nets of the Runner… and the Chaser may run to the Runner (!) anytime the later makes a move toward the relationship.
In other words, that dynamics can’t be if the Chaser has learned their own worth and boundaries. In that case, they will start to drift away as well when they feel this kind of controling energy on them, and the Runner has to change ways and strategy — consciously or not.
Actually, that first dynamics shows a lack of “completeness” in both — both needing to be filled by the other, yet in different ways.
- When both meet and go “on and off” before the energy feels right for both.”
The other kind of Push & Pull scenario is of a different kind, as it isn’t a “you are moving out out of boredom, so I need to catch you before you leave fully” — but more a “let’s meet again and see where we both stand”.
In that dynamics, both counterparts are actually looking for balance and seeking at a soul level the moment / energy when both are there for Love, rather than Attachment, Neediness, Lust of for Making Sure.
They may come back to one another over and over until they both feel that there are no more “cords” – in a negative way – between them, but only a healthy thread of love between their hearts.
They explore to feel things out but, as they’ve both grown in completeness the flames lessen. The Chaser is less dependent and expecting — while the Runner shows more stability and grounding, and won’t move out before reattaching out of fear.
There, Twin Souls are exploring the other and the connection from a place of personal conscious Knowing (I want to explore that connection on a “committed” basis) and Fullness (My life isn’t “that” so I won’t “fall”).
- An evolution?
That second type of “Push & Pull” is actually more conscious, while the first one is received passively by both counterparts — even the one who tries to reattach and to “control”. In fact, this is their only way to stay there and maintain the relationship, but beyond what’s visible they’d actually like to be able to bring something else or to gain more clarity about their own heart.
The releasing of the “control part” allows to move to that second type of dynamics between both Twin Souls. When the energy of control is released — which actually was a “Stay there even if I give you something that you don’t like” — a real letting go takes place, and for both.
The Runner / in control has to face that if they don’t give anything and exhausts their counterpart by exercising too much nothingness, their partner won’t “stay”. At the same time the Chaser / the one who was ready to accept now sees that it is healthier to let go rather than remaining involved in dynamics which deny their own truth, power and worth.
They let go of a potential outside success or benefit… in order to grow in self-love and self-respect.
As one grows in “Respect of the Other” while the other grows in “Respect of the Self” — a new level of balance within both is reached, which mirrors out in the relationship.
The Runner releases the ideal of a relationship being a “game of love with no commitment” and sees that by being conscious, we may desire to explore or not to explore — but not both.
They understand that before going too far Outwardly, one needs to learn clarity Within.
The Chaser learns to stand alone, to feel safe and loved on their own two feet — therefore seeing that they may only let in a more balanced and “decided” version of their partner. They learn to draw new boundaries and to accept only what feels right,
They learn that we shouldn’t compromise in love, even in the name of a possible magical feast.
That second type of Push & Pull is interesting and beautiful because it respects both individuals. Actually, it is about exploring the relationship from a place of individual balance, until it clicks and feels right — it is exploring as an investigator or a traveler, without “the need to have it” or an unhealthy desire to keep.
It is exploring from a place of honour, worth, dignity and self-equilibrium… and from a space of true ability, or shall I say desire, willingness, almost digged up from the loss — to fall in love.
9 thoughts on “The “Push & Pull” between Twin Flames.”
Wow I am so glad I found this site because I’m in that relationship I’m the chaser he is the runner & and he does exactly that, every few days he touches base no matter what reaction I give him and it’s been 2 months…
It’s torturous! He split up with me because he city feels depressed and he’s not in the right space to be in a relationship “But” he still loves me???
I’m going through the toughest experience of my life!
Merci Sophie !
Merci pour cette clarté dans laquelle je le et Nous retrouve bien dans le deuxième scénario 💚💛💚💛 Deborah
Can the chaser also be a runner and vice versa?
In my experience, it’s very common for the two parties to alternate being the runner and the chaser.
Thank you for this ♡
What if you are in the second stage of no longer chasing and running but you are both married and have both decided to be together in a true union once kids are grown on both sides? It’s really hard bc we can’t have all of each other but we both believe that our kids need security growing up. We are the best of friends and love each other unconditionally. I was the runner and I’m female. I avoided him for 4 years at one point. I feel no desire to run anymore. I love him unconditionally, but it’s hard bc it’s not a true union yet.
Could you continue your above article? I’m so precisely in the phase you’ve mentioned. Journey began in 2015. Would love to read further. I really don’t want to lose my counterpart in this lifetime, not attached so badly but from an observer’s point of view which took me a lot of time to develop. Thank you so much for your precise interpretation.
This is seriously a great and accurate article. Thank you!
Wow! Out of everything I’ve researched on the states of a Twin Flame relationship, this spoke to me the most and accurately describes exactly what I’m experiencing in this moment with my twin flame. Thank you SO MUCH for sharing!