“When I saw you I fell in love, and you smiled because you knew.” William Shakespeare.
This is again a personal share about how I happened to detach, to lose attachment and this in a positive “way” for my soul mate. How I have lost in time attachment to what he could bring. How we started to be two individuals, yes living together and interdependent and in love — but on two separate journeys.
“I remember thinking we were soul mates, we would be best friends, and we would travel the world together.
We would endlessly explore France. Road trips, the sun, lightness, adventure, and you.
I also remember thinking that now that I was with you, you would be my joy—and that I was saved, and that I would be happy, because now I was with you.
You see, I was used to plenty of space, freedom, and autonomy as a single woman. But when we started to dive deeper as a couple, I think I started to lose this: I started to need you.
Love is fanciful, as attachment is.
I was starting to make promises to myself through you.
I was starting to feel better, not because of myself, but because of you.
It is an illusion to think that people heal us.
Men are not there to fill voids, in truth.
It is a princess dream to think that one day, a knight on a white horse will come for rescue.
It was a maiden mistake to think that a man can truly change a woman’s life, and that woman can be fed through man.
So I have stopped needing you. And I think this is for the best.
Read more Here.
This is a post about my own Twin Flame journey.
“You know you really love someone when you don’t hate them for breaking your heart.” ~ Unknown
It relates our story.
It is a love letter to the man who never came back. It is a love letter to maybe the most important love of my life — but we never got closure.
Read an extract below:
“When we met, I was engaged and my whole life was on the other side of the world, so at first I resisted you. A new chapter of my life was starting and I could feel it, but I couldn’t acknowledge it and allow you in.
Go Here to read the full post.
I have written a new blog about trauma bonds: its roots, why it affects some of us and not others, how it takes hold and implements within our nervous system, and how to free ourselves from it.
Please click here to read it!
Feel free to comment, share, or send me an email with any questions, reactions or comments that you may have.
“I’ve experienced trauma bonding several times already—mainly in the context of romantic relationships.
Of course, initially, I didn’t know that I was “trauma bonded.” I would have never imagined that trauma and love, or an idea of love, could be found in the same place.
Here in this article, I will refer to trauma bonding in the context of romantic relationships.
Trauma bonding takes hold easily when we have experienced these types of unhealthy attachments during our childhood. In fact, our nervous system is wired in such receptive ways precisely because we’ve been been there before. A child who has experienced abuse from a parent may, as an adult, have difficulties distinguishing, at the level of the nervous system, abuse with love.
If you were abused as a child, you had to internalize and bury your feelings of sadness, anger, unfairness, or hurt in order to be able to stay in that same environment and be still taken care of.
Your life depended on your parents and you weren’t self-reliant enough to break the bond—so you may have learned how to cope with your feelings by seeing them with rose-tainted glasses and not fully see the truth.
In some way, the child had to minimize or even deny the abuse that was happening in order to get the love, care, and attention that they needed from their caretakers.
Later in life, the individual may still expect love and attention from someone who is simultaneously abusive to them, because they were trained to—and because as a child, eventually getting the love that they needed from their parents was the reward they were seeking after enduring more grueling cycles of distrust and fear.
To the adult brain that experienced abuse in childhood, red flags may feel like home.
Please click here to go to the full post.
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— Until this Saturday.
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Please find my new poetry relating how I eventually healed my own Twin Flame relationship, and let it go — in the sense of seeing the truth of it, giving it space, and giving it time.
Find the poem here.
“I don’t know how many times within one’s life we are supposed to fall in love.
Go to the link to read more! ❤
« When a King enters your life, be ready.
He’s not looking for a woman who’s still acts a child, but a woman all her own;
She’ll come with pride, and she’ll come with scars.
He will know this and will adore her all the more.
The tears that should never have been hers to bear, he will gently wipe away. Gladly and for good.
She will trust him because he is trustworthy.
She will receive his total devotion and respect.
And ladies, damn straight he’s going to make you laugh and experience joy like you’re a newborn freakin’ unicorn!!
When a king enters your life, best be ready to ROAR. He won’t claim you halfway but COMPLETELY and will tear down ANY barricades around your heart, no distance too close or too far, to be right by your side.
He’ll fight for you. He’ll wait for you. He’ll listen to you. He’ll reassure you. He’ll build a goddam kingdom for you.
Anything within his power he will give to you.
Not because he feels obligated but because his very instinct, primal urge, and deepest need propels him to.
And he’ll never leave you guessing how he feels.
Yes, he needs you.
And you, dear Queen, must show him with the confidence of your eternal, unstoppable grace and feminine light, that he is safe and that he is welcome. That he is desired, more than enough, and that you are crystal clear with a heart of gold that he is yours and that you, in turn, would move moons for him.
And with the authority of his own soul, he will assure you every day that you, his family and his life’s work are equals as his life’s greatest treasures he will work hard, and even die for. It’s in his bones. No question.
It is possible. And fucking real. Terrifying to the princess, yet satisfying, fortifying and nourishing to the Queen who knows the true value of true love (after her many battles both lost and won)
Ladies, PLEASE don’t sell yourself short with jesters or knights, and men who will only meet you halfway.
Be a Queen, who from her deepest Source, magnetizes her perfect King.
And let your heart be healed and revered in every way, every single day. »
– Catlin Narramore
I used to think that passion fades in time. It doesn’t. It grows through doing life together, coming back from conflicts, letting the soul bare.
I used to think that love is either wild passionate and sexy – or responsible, kind, protective and a little dull. It isn’t. Some are all the good pieces of that.
I used to think that the magic is when “you meet the one”. When it’s in front of you, right here, like a sparkling reward. When it starts, when it makes you feel like anything is possible because they actually are what you sought.
This moment is key and most often unforgettable – but beauty, alchemy and a work of another kind actually start a little after that.
After a few months. When it’s not about discovery or feeling lit up by another’s presence anymore.
When attachment patterns resurface. When you witness your partner in states of depth you never knew about. When you learn to not take things personally. When you understand they are on their own process.
When you feel yourself becoming attached and remember other losses, past heartbreaks. When you understand you actually didn’t know much about love – I mean the healthy kind.
When you actually start to build. When you see yourself actually creating a life, and a home, out of an initial spring spark – and you fear isn’t that too big, too wild. When it’s not only about the good times and pretty dresses – but winter, and the rain, and the days when we work, and the days when everyone is tired, and the days when you lose your temper.
When the initial excitement of “I think it’s Him” becomes fear of potential future pain – because you fear you might not be up to the task. When you feel the bond grow, in your blood, in your bones – and you just hope you won’t self-sabotage.
When you actually make your first big “mistakes”. When you actually end up showing this darker, little girl side of you, the one who cries hours at night when she’s sad. When you wonder if they will still love you after that.
When you start to see not all of this pain is his fault. When you see yourself more accountable than ever before because of that. When there is no room anymore to hide, to himself, and to you.
When he disappoints you big time for the first time – and you see yourself reflecting, understanding, forgiving and learning instead of finding faults. When you start to get that it’s best to understand and witness – rather than be right.
When the level of the initial questions is passed. When time has actually proved all your deepest fears wrong.
Because he is in fact there. He is in fact accountable, present, loving and wild.
It’s when this initial blue sparkle becomes house. Becomes daily love, the right dose of intimacy and boundaries – the right dose of showing up in togetherness and freedom.
I used to think that passion fades. It doesn’t. It grows through sharing depths, coming back from conflicts, letting the soul bare.
I used to think that love fades in time. It doesn’t. It grows as a garden of memories, as strong as the dark nights we travel together – as tall as this carefree blue ways of looking at life that we have when the sun shines.
I used to think that love is either wild passionate and sexy – or responsible, kind, safe and a little dull. It isn’t. I thought this because I had never experienced this type of relationship in the past.
Maybe I wasn’t ready, or it wasn’t time.
Love is more than what we first have in mind.
It asks more of us than what we first had in mind.
Commitment to another & to the self through another is a journey – not the kind of commitment that we make on paper, but one that is felt and decided in the heart.
Commitment to be and remain accountable. Commitment to keep showing up. Commitment to have a deeper look within, rather than outside.
The love I’m experiencing right now is bigger and more transformative than I thought was possible. It’s all more fun, vibrant, joyful, adventurous and soft that I hoped for.
Maybe, he is the one. I actually felt that at this initial moment – that spring night with a blue smile.
Picture borrowed from
IG The Rising Woman.